Wednesday, June 29, 2005
I have this theory
I believe that cars driving at 50km on the highway should automatically explode. I mean, obviously when the cars tailgating them out of frustration have driven over the median strip and gone ahead so that only the wankers driving 30kms BELOW the speed limit, on the HIGHWAY, are burned up in a fiery ball
Failing that, I think Nissan should provide their drivers with rocket launchers fitted to the bonnets of their cars so that I can BLOW THOSE BASTARDS UP
There's a distinct possibility I'm a road-rager
posted by Bug @ 10:30 pm   20 comments
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Back from my tropical island
Since the ONLY reason I've not been posting for the last week and a half is that I've been lying on a golden beach in Hawaii, soaking up the 30 degree days and having bronzed lifeguards bring me cocktails all day (but not any with coconut rum in them because coconut rum is disGUSTing!), I expect you to be jealous as ARSE and to wish that you're me, 'k?
Cos, I mean, if I'd not been posting cos I was, oh I don't know, too bloody lazy and had just been mooching on the couch, then that would just be sad, wouldn't it?
No, really, I WAS in Hawaii, I swear! What? You want me to pinky promise? But... hang on, what, swear on MY life or yours? Why would I need to . . .
Oh all right!! You beat it out of me! I didn't go to Hawaii (because I'm pov) - I've been mooching on the couch cos I'm a lazy sod and because it's FUCKING COLD outside, it being winter in Australia and all. But how NICE would it be to be there right now?? *wistful sigh*
Ok. So the ridiculous pretty Léonie gave me a thingie to do, and since I love thingies, here 'tis:
The rules
I'm supposed to get rid of the blog at #1 from the following list and shove everyone up one place, then add my blog in the #5 spot (ok... can do that... does everyone have to be linked? Yes? Oh ok)
Now I have to tell you about five things that I miss from my childhood. Ah delight, how I love to talk about myself!!
1. I miss the shack. My cousins (well, my aunt and uncle, really) owned a shack (holiday home to any Americans) about an hour and a half from their house so we'd go there a lot in summer and the shack was five minutes walk from the beach, which we used to spend all day on. And then at night we (me, my three cousins and my brother and sister, plus any friends who happened to have tagged along) would invent a concert/play/game show/general show-off for the adults to watch (I was usually MC, being totally talentless). But when I was 16 my aunt and uncle got divorced and he got the shack in the settlement and I think rents it out now. Most of my childhood summer memories are to do with the shack though
2. I miss not knowing anything. Without meaning to sound depressing, I've found that the older and more experienced I get (I'm talking life experience, don't be dirty!), the less I enjoy new things. Even thinking back four years, when I was 18 and newly legal, pubs were the MOST EXCITING THING EVER! Now I literally go to the pub almost every day. And the first day of my first job? Forget it! I was SKY HIGH!! I think I've just become a bit blasé with everything. Not jaded exactly (although I suspect any of my friends would tell you that with men, at least, I'm definitely jaded), just sort of accepting, I guess
3. I miss Cadbury Wobblys. Did you get Cadbury Wobbly chocolate bars where-ever you are? We had them here, and there was a contest to design a logo for them, which my cousin (who's two years older and two sizes smaller than me) entered. She didn't win, but as a consolation prize Cadbury sent her a year's supply of the chocolate bars (I KNOW!) and a t-shirt with her logo design emblazoned on the front. She, being so little and gorgeous and girly, had no use for a boring old t-shirt, even if she had accidentally designed it so it was handed down to me. Now I hit puberty pretty early so I've had boobs forever, so even at ten or thereabouts, a t-shirt that has WOBBLY! written across the chest was probably not the MOST discreet top I could have worn. Great chocolate bars, however
4. I miss my sister. We were friends then. I don't miss her how she is now, cos how she is now is a bratty, arrogant pain in the arse bitch, but back then (like, as recently as 18 months ago), she was pretty cool
5. I miss Roxette. How cool were Roxette??? If you told me that you didn't know the words to at least ONE Roxette song, I a) wouldn't believe you, b) would hit you and c) would make you listen to their greatest hits ("Don't Bore Us, Get to the Chorus") over and over again till you could sing along. Consider yourself warned!
So there you have it. A teeny weeny yiddle glimpse into the fabulous excitement (read: tedium to anyone else) that was my childhood. I've got photos if you want to come over...
Who will I pass this on to? Monkey Typist, because she needs an excuse to keep posting (don't slack off now, woman!) and both the career woman and the housewife, since I know they'll have funny stories
It's nice to be back! I've missed my blog! How have I gone without putting my drunken thoughts on the net for anyone in the world to see for so long??
posted by Bug @ 7:47 pm   4 comments
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Potentially au revoir
The pertinent question is, do I actually really have anything to say on here? Am I being completely narcissistic by just ranting about my days?

I'm considering calling it a day. We shall see, I suppose...
posted by Bug @ 11:33 am   4 comments
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Time to grow a brain, maybe
Well. That was a strange night. A combination of really, really, REALLY fabulous (for a sad act like me) and really, really, really kind of scary

We started off at Irish, a pub I don't even like much but which we go to because my favourite local band plays there every Saturday and they're WORTH putting up with a crappy pub for! We hung around, had a couple of drinks and danced a bit but Jeremy – the babelicious lead singer – was sort of croaky and couldn't sing very loudly so the guitarist and the bass player were singing as well. The bass player was fine, he sings back-up normally anyway, but the guitarist, known as Hottie Irish by Boo and I, canNOT sing. It wasn't that he had a horrible voice, although it wasn't great, but he was so FLAT - it was absolutely hilarious! So we thought we'd better leave before someone noticed us laughing our arses off at the band!

Next stop was Surreal, which used to be tacky and sticky and the place that new 18-year-olds went to for their first night of clubbing and snogging randoms. You know the kind of place. But it had a massive re-fit not long ago and it's not bad now (the young'uns go to Isobar now and Isobar sucks arse so they're welcome to it) - one of the bouncers is a friend of ours and gives us free drink cards and there are a couple of babely bartenders so it's usually fun. So we're upstairs in the R 'n' B room and we see the gorgeous, sexy, hot, yummy Italian guy from the last time we were there. A good start to the night! Everyone smiled and Boo and I went downstairs to the Top 40 floor to dance and see who we knew

We stayed at Surreal for an hour or so and then walked back down to Salamanca to try some other pubs and ended up at Syrup, another club, where my fantabulous friend Arnie works as head of security. Boo saw Hottie Irish going up the stairs and dragged me in. Unfortunately, the guy behind what I call my 'bad night' was upstairs drinking as well

Hmm, I haven't said anything about my bad night before, have I? Without wanting to go into detail, I was hanging out with that guy and he apparently didn't know what the word 'no' means. It's a long, complicated story and hard to explain but needless to say, I don't like to see that particular guy much. However, in my city, you see everyone all the time so I see him out most weekends

Anyway. I didn't want to stay on the 80s floor where the bad night guy was so we went up to the trance floor (where Hottie Irish was headed) and I went to the bar. I paid for my drink, turned around and saw Boo standing at a bench (with Hottie Irish now leaving the club behind her), talking to Jeremy! I went and stood with them and while Boo turned and chatted to someone else, Jeremy put his arm around my waist and we started talking and flirting. In fact, if talking could ever be described as foreplay (without any talking dirty at all), that's what we were doing! And honestly? It probably wasn't like that for him but bloody hell, it was for me! He was leaning in close, his mouth about an inch from mine, saying shiver-inducing things (and in the croaky, sexy voice that may not have been much use for singing, but was excellent for turning my legs to jelly). I have slept with people and it's not been as hot an experience as that whole conversation was!

(I'm all aflutter now, just thinking about it!)

I think in most places it's kebab shops, but in my city, when it gets to the time of night (or early morning) where you've had so much to drink that you just HAVE to eat something, everyone heads to one particular bakery so after dragging myself away from Jeremy, Boo and I headed down there and grabbed some food

Heading back to find a taxi, we ran into two random guys and started talking. They seemed like nice guys, down here on holidays for a mate's 21st (they were staying with another mate a little out of town), and I may be naïve (or was possibly drunk), but when they invited us back to their mate's place for a couple of drinks, that's what I assumed would happen! We'd have a drink, talk, catch a cab home

Yeah, no. We taxied to the friend's place and he came to the door naked as the day he was born (although I'm sure he wasn't born with Chinese symbols tattooed on his arse!). That was… interesting. So then we went and sat in the living room and someone turned on the TV (although they left it on standby so I don't know why they bothered) and naked guy came and sat between Boo and I on one of the couches. He promptly snogged Boo and then tried to snog me as well. I politely declined and left them to it and went and sat with another guy on another couch. I didn't do anything - I didn't kiss anyone, I didn't touch any foreign body parts, I didn't let any foreign body parts near me - but the whole scene felt really, really wrong. Especially when naked guy went to bed (alone) and another guy sat himself next to Boo and then they started kissing and a completely different guy altogether suddenly popped up from the floor behind the couch I was sitting on, where he'd apparently been sleeping
Going to interrupt here to say that I HATE the idea of people hiding in rooms. Hate it and loathe it. On the bad night, there were people hiding. Bad night
Also going to say that Boo does NOT normally randomly snog consecutive (naked) strangers. She was drunk. People do stupid things when they're drunk. I should have taken better care of her and not gone back to their flat, but it's done now
So Boo was occupied on one couch, and I was sitting on another with a guy trying his hardest to get his hands in my pants, while I kept my legs crossed and my eye on the door in case anyone ELSE decided to walk in when my phone rang
I don't think I've ever grabbed my handbag that fast! It was Arnie, 6'3', 123kg of pure muscle Arnie, and he arranged to pick us up when he knocked off work in 10 minutes. The guy I'd been sitting on the couch with was unthrilled that I was leaving and Boo's playmate didn't want me to take her away so they both started trying to talk me out of going: "stay for half an hour", "stay for 15 minutes", "have a drink", "we'll drive you home in the morning", "nothing's going to happen", "why are you being like this?"
GOD! I didn't even KNOW these guys! Which, yeah, I know, should NOT have gone back to their flat (duh), especially when that's how the bad night started off but I just didn't expect the whole thing. I wasn't so much naïve as ridiculously stupid, I know this. But to be totally clichéd, NO MEANS NO! Why did they not just accept that I, at least, was NOT into the vibe of that place and that I wanted to GO? WHY guilt trip me?? Ugh. Loathesome
Eventually, and without incident, we got out the door and found Arnie, who drove us back to my house (half an hour's drive from his) and wouldn't even accept money for petrol because he's a WONDERFUL man, a gentleman, who would NEVER act the way most other guys act. However, after a giant, muscled hug from him, I started to feel better and less vulnerable
I realise that most people reading this will be thinking that I was a drama queen and that it doesn't sound very bad, or that I asked for anything because I was stupid and went back to that place, but truely, I just felt really wrong about the whole thing. I didn't like not knowing where I stood, or even if Boo and I were safe
So it's a pity that the night ended up on a wonky note, because the sexy Jeremy conversation was SMASHING and if that had been my last memory of the night, I'd have had fanTAStic dreams, but at least I know I have Arnie to look out for me, as he always does
After spending $80 on whiskey though, I've had a leeeetle headache all day!
posted by Bug @ 11:41 am   4 comments
Friday, June 10, 2005
Gwen Stefani is possibly the anti-Christ
"This shit is bananas"?? Is that the worst song in the world EVER, or am I just really picky? It IS the worst song ever "written", right?
Actually, anti-Christ's probably a little harsh. She's like the anti-Christ's right hand fashion victim
You know in old gangster movies and Bugs Bunny cartoons? How there's always one enormous, dumb oaf of a sidekick called Lucky or Bugsy or Tiny? And how the teeny tiny mob boss is always slapping him around? Yeah, Gwen Stefani's like that
Of course, Paris Hilton is the actual fucking anti-Christ. It's a difficult question over who shits me off more of those two, but at least Gwen Stefani started off with a bit of cred
Paris Hilton was born as, continues to be and will always exist as a gangly slut with sycophantic friends, a gigantic ego and no brain whatsoever. I loathe her
Thus endeth the I-hate-skinny-over-exposed-blondes rant for today
posted by Bug @ 11:45 pm   2 comments
Monday, June 06, 2005
Well. Wasn't THAT an emotional post??
Firstly, I'm sorry, Cecil. I know how upset you get about Lily, just like you know how upset I get about Harry. I didn't mean to make you cry. Aren't we sad old spinsters with our kittens?
Secondly, that is just about the oddest "first day at work" ever. They didn't have any work for me to do, so I sat in the lunch room for an hour. Then I got put at some other woman's desk. Then I was put on data entry (like I don't do enough of that!). And then I discovered that the skinny, blonde, severe-looking 18-year-old I had written off as a nasty bitch was actually a pretty wicked chick (note to self: your first impressions are ALWAYS wrong, Bug. ALWAYS)
Strange day. Strange, strange day
p.s. There's a babely boy on the third floor though :)
posted by Bug @ 10:04 pm   1 comments
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Harry
When I lived out of home, Harry was my Christmas present one year. He was a silver tabby. He was from the Cats' Home. He was a runt and little and gorgeous. He was beautiful

In short, without being able to explain the ins and outs and HOW significant he was in my life, Harry was my child. Never having actually given birth, I can't really say, but I canNOT imagine loving a human child more than I loved my cat. Loving something MORE than Harry goes beyond belief. He was my reason for being. I know that sounds kind of wankys and singly-womany but he was the NICEST, most AWESOMEST, totally FANTASTIC, most PERFECT cat ever. I loved Harry, have you picked up on that?
When I decided to go for a shopping drive to the other end of the state, I never realised that I would come back to the news that Harry had been run over AT THE END OF MY DRIVEWAY (ie. half a second from safety that I'd denied him by letting him out of the house for a run) no more than half an hour after I'd left
I got back from my shopping trip. I cried. I cried some more. I watched a movie. I cried again. I went to work. I cried yet again (I'm tearing as I type this and it's been nearly a year. I loved that bloody cat)
Anyway, my family had an 18th party for my cousin, The Champ, tonight. My grandmother, Maria (and no, we don't say "nanna" or "nan" or "grandma", we say "Maria") forgot to bring The Champ's present when she drove over to his house so I (being sober while she was NOT) drove her home to pick up the sparkly, ribbon-y, gift-wrapped present. But at the top of Maria's street, I had to swerve to miss a feline body on the road
While Maria went inside to grab the pressie, I walked up the street to see if the cat was still alive (cos you'd better believe, if it'd been alive, I was TAKING IT TO THE VET AND SAVING ITS FUCKING LIFE!) but no, when I reached it, the cat was lying still and there were some thick, goopy rivers of blood running down the road. It was awful
Forget tearing, I'm just crying now. Sorry. But it made me think. How the hell could I have done things differently? I mean, I like Attila the Puss, he's gnarly. But Harry was one hell of a cat. Fuck, Harry was one hell of a HUMAN!
And though it's been almost a year, and although I'm a sad bitch who needs to get out more, Harry was a fantabulous companion
And I miss him shitloads tonight, the night before my first day at a new job
Sorry for the depressing-ness, but I really love animals (not in a Catherine the Great way, just in a "they're smaller than me so I want to look after them" way) and cruelty and inconsideration towards them just throws me off kilter
Shit. Big day tomorrow and I'm a mess tonight :S
posted by Bug @ 10:28 pm   4 comments
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Holy snapping duck shit!
So I've decided to keep my part time job and work nights as WELL as working full time at my brand new job, which means that on 2, 3 or 4 (depending on the roster) days a week, I'll be working 13.5 hours a day! It's like I'm a struggling single mum working the graveyard shift to put her precocious kid into an exclusive school

On the upside, LOTS OF MONEY!!! LOTS and LOTS and LOTS!!! For $30 an hour, I can sacrifice a little sleep!

(although we'll see if I'm still saying that in a week or two when I'm sleepy and grumpy)

Point of interest (actually, it's a point of absolutely NO interest whatsoever, I just wanted to whinge): it's the first day of winter today. I MISS THE BEACH!!! I went there every single day over summer! Where did the hot weather go?? I want it ba-ha-hack!
posted by Bug @ 11:59 am   3 comments
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