Well this has just been the best few days! I’m just having so much fun After learning that Princess Perfect hates me because, you know, I’m such a SKANK, I’ve now got my closest friend making me feel that way as well Back story: when we were in Grade 12, the boy Boo fancied had a crush on me. I told him nothing would happen because of her but he basically nagged and nagged at me for a few months till I gave in and we went out for a while. Boo was upset (understandably) but she got over it and I must’ve apologised for the whole thing 5 times. I wouldn’t have let myself be worn down now, but hey, who ISN’T an idiot at 17?? And now (five YEARS later) Boo has this crush, Bumpkin, who is a lovely guy who I really like hanging out with, mostly because he’s so fun, but he’s also just really nice. They work together so they spend a LOT of time together, both at work and socialising afterwards. They’re a little muddled because every so often when Bumpkin’s had a lot to drink, they end up snogging. Anyway, the three of us went for a drive the other night and we were goofing around, playing Hypotheticals (give a scenario, find out what everyone else would do, etc.) which quickly degenerated into sexual hypotheticals, all of us being in our early 20s and one-track-minded We were having a good old time, shrieking and laughing at our answers, and then we realised how late it was, so I dropped Boo home first, being closer to her house, then Bumpkin. When I let Boo out of the car, she went all funny, giving me a nasty look. I asked her what was wrong and she said, "Gee, I wonder" and walked inside. I know, I felt like we were 15 again, for God’s sake Then she messaged me later and said that she wishes I wasn’t so overly flirty with guys she has feelings for and that she hates being around me and guys. Boo KNOWS that I flirt with everyone, and that I’m touchy feely, and that I’m open, and she KNOWS that it doesn’t mean ANYthing. If I’m ACTUALLY interested in someone, I don’t flirt, I mumble and blush and generally act like a complete tool until they go away. She’s known me for a decade and she’s chosen Bumpkin to get paranoid about I gave her a wide berth for a couple of days and then went and visited her at work last night (she works nights in a hotel). We were chatting and laughing about whatever, when Bumpkin came into the office, since he’d finished for the night. He started talking to me, asking how I was and the usual questions, and I tried my very hardest to keep my replies unflirty and unbouncy and unlaughy and generally un-me, actually. Which of course made him realise that something was wrong and come and sit with me At that, I thought I’d better avoid the potential for another fight I didn’t deserve and didn’t understand and said goodbye to everyone and left. I was sitting in my car sending a text message when he came out and asked what was wrong and of COURSE I couldn’t tell him so I came out looking rude and anti-social. And THEN I got a message from Boo about how I’d left in a hurry, and when I said that I was avoiding another argument and that I was also sleepy, I got a reply "good plan on both accounts" SHE DOESN"T TRUST ME!!! SHE doesn’t trust ME even though since that first great big mistake FIVE YEARS AGO, I’ve not been untrustworthy at ALL! I don’t lie to her, bitch about her, steal her money, FLIRT WITH HER CRUSHES, anything. She’s making me feel like I’m an immoral slut she can’t trust, because SHE’S paranoid. But it’s me who’s feeling horrid And yet, she found out why Princess Perfect hates me through the SOE, since PP had been bitching about me to him, BECAUSE Boo was bitching about me to the SOE! Which she TOLD me! I’m sorry, I don’t care HOW angry you are with your best friend, you don’t bitch about them to their EX! (sort of ex, anyway) Have it out with them to their face, rant about it on your blog (if you’re a fellow nerd), but DON’T open up that whole can of worms by complaining about them to the ONE person who looks down on them the most! Especially if you KNOW that they look down on you! But despite all this, Boo came online and started emailing me at work about the fact that it’s snowing outside and blah blah random talk blah. I was less than thrilled with her and didn’t chat like I normally would and then when I said to her that I didn’t feel like talking cos of the way she’s treating me, she let loose with lovely things like "you were hurting me - because you are suggestive - SOMETHING I don’t care about normally - you act like you do, I don’t care, that’s you, you are touchy feely - but as I said - it hurt me that you did it with him" and "I don’t think you’re untrustworthy - I trust you with everything - but guys I still have residual hang ups on" and "I’m sorry I’ve upset you. Talk to me when you feel you’re less revolting and I’m a better person then" all of which basically admits that these are HER issues, NOT mine and that she KNOWS I haven’t done anything, so WHY am I being made to feel like a hooker and a really bad friend when I was just being ME withOUT any flirting?? This is a girl I love better than almost anyone in the world, including some of my family. She's my bitch, and I'm hers, so why is she BEING a bitch? And WHY THE FUCK has this become a Grade 9-style fight when we’re professional people in our 20s, for fuck’s sake?? I am really, really, really tired of this week. Actually, of the last month or so. It’s really getting me down and I’m generally pretty happy to be alive. I’ve lost my appetite, I’m not sleeping properly and half the time I feel like I’m on the verge of tears and I am NOT a crier So give me SOME feedback. I’m sorry to the boys reading this cos I KNOW it’s high school girl shit, but I don’t have the energy to think up options on my own anymore. Is this all as unreasonable as it feels? |
I think it is unreasonable. It sounds like she has insecurities about her own capacity to be funny and and bouncy and as effortless with men as you are(although, cruelly, the ones you're not attracted to). But it is unfair for that to manifest itself in meanness to you.
I have had similar things happen with close girlfriends, and I know how much it hurts when someone who ostensibly loves you just stops trusting you and becomes angry with you for seemingly no reason.
It will be ok though. It IS her problem, and you shouldn't have to change or make yourself less bubbly and charismatic. Hang in there lovely, I'm so sorry you're having a shitty week.
London is sunny at the moment, so come over here!!