No I'm serious! Have you ever had something that you dreamed, that scared you so much you woke up in a cold sweat, trembling all over and unable to move in case the dream followed you out into your dark bedroom where anything could lurk, ACTUALLY come true? Cos I fucking have! Ok, back story: I am PARANOID about my teeth. When I was little my dentist realised that it was looking like I'd need braces as a teenager because my mouth was a bit crowded, so he decided that he'd remove a couple of teeth (baby teeth) and see if the extra room let them straighten up. And by a couple, I mean SIX TEETH. So he took SIX TEETH out of my (young, frightened, scared of pain) mouth and left me with a lifelong (so far) dread of the dentist that goes SO far beyond normal wariness it's into the realm of completely ridiculous. It also left me with regular nightmares (like, 3 times a week minimum) of awful things happening to my mouth, like getting hit in the face and my teeth breaking, or me sneezing at the dentist (which could happen, actually, if you think of hayfever time!) and him doing something terrible with the drill, or me realising when I'm out on the town that my front tooth is loose and hello! it just fell out (which is usually when I wake up). Those dreams are probably a large part of while I sleep like crap! Anyway. My tooth started to twinge a few weeks back and I called up my dentist's surgery and asked for an appointment, but he was on holidays and I didn't want to see any of his offsiders (MY dentists understands me. He's knows that my best friend would never describe me as stoic and that when we're talking anaesthetic, tripling the dose is not an unreasonable option!) so I decided to wait it out till he got back (it really pissed me off though, because I am ANAL about my teeth! I brush them EVERY morning and EVERY night - even when I get home roaring drunk, I'll still brush them before bed - and I don't even really eat sweet things so WHY should something be wrong with my teeth?) Good plan? Hmm... except that what had been a twinge very quickly became a FUCKING GREAT PAIN and when I looked in the mirror, I could SEE a cavity (blecch), so I called back and booked at the surgery for any dentist I could get. This was on a Wednesday (the 13th, as in two weeks ago today). I couldn't get in to see anyone until the following Monday so I booked anyway and bought myself a couple of boxes of painkillers and crossed my fingers But by Friday I just couldn't take it anymore and wandered all over on my lunch break TRYING to find SOMEONE who could fit me in that day or the Saturday. Found someone! Joy! I booked in for Saturday evening (sucks to be a dentist, doesn't it? Saturday evening!), knowing that it would cost me an arm and a leg, and possibly a shoulder blade and part of a knee cap as well, but not caring because my tooth FUCKING HURT! So I rocked up to this random dentist, had a big filling put in (turns out it was quite a deep cavity), went home and dosed up on painkillers and went out that night. All good Saturday night All good Sunday All good Monday morning Monday afternoon, though, my jaw started to ache. I assumed it was just residual soreness from the grinding and drilling (gah) but by Friday (this one just gone, the 22nd) I couldn't cope with it anymore and called MY dentist - not the random one from the week before - and said "FUCKING HELP ME!" but they couldn't see me until Tuesday, yesterday. So for the next three days I overdosed on painkillers (no seriously! If my liver wasn't already cactus from the amount I drink? It's DEAD now!) and rocked up at MY dentist yesterday afternoon (having been on a liquid diet - soup, yoghurt, etc. - since Thursday) only to be told that my dentist was with someone but that his offsider would see me. By this stage I didn't give a shit, I just wanted it dealt with, cos I sure as hell wasn't dealing with it! The offsider (whose name I never did actually get) did an x-ray of the tooth (cutting my mouth on the x-ray pad, I might add!) which showed that the random dentist had actually put the filling ON the nerve so that every time I chewed or talked or, ooh I don't know, MOVED MY HEAD AT ALL, the filling pressed on the nerve and cause me FUCKING MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF PAIN The only solution really was to get rid of the filling I had (and had paid a fortune for) and replace it with a soft dressing, which apparently lasts for 6 months, and then choose whether I a) want the tooth REMOVED (!) or b) want root canal work (!!!!) Having put me into a semi-panic over the very horrible options I'd just been given, the offsider got a needle and injected anaesthetic into my jaw. After about 10 seconds he poked my cheek and asked if it was tingling cos that meant it was working. I said that no, no tingles, although my jaw felt kind of heavy, and he just weighed on in there with the drill. After 10 seconds!! And that anaesthetic? Had NOT FUCKING WORKED because he drilled ACROSS THE NERVE and it was NOT NUMB and apparently I bit him but I don't remember that because I was too busy SCREAMING The next bit was totally strange and something that's never happened to me before. I was kind of crying, more sobbing breaths but I actually couldn't breathe properly and I was gasping and clutching at the dental nurse (who was lovely) and I couldn't stop and it was HORRID! When I described it to my mum last night she said that it sounded like a textbook panic attack. How very Victorian novel of me is that?? But it was fucking awful And then the offsider got ANOTHER needle and tried to inject my jaw again but I was still gasping and crying and he couldn't get a clear shot at me so he just shook me and told me that I was being silly and that I wasn't helping matters so I TRIED to get hold of myself a bit and he injected me again and said that if it hurt again to raise my hand and he'd stop and give me another injection and then he started drilling again (the nurse was rubbing my shoulder while this was going on, good nurse) and it STILL hurt so I put up my hand and HE DIDN'T STOP so I put it up higher and he said "I've only got a minute or so left, it'll be ok" and KEPT DRILLING on a tooth that could FEEL IT and by this stage I was almost hysterical and he HAD to give me a minute to calm down before he put in the filling (which as far as I can tell was cotton wool and plaster. How lovely) I don't think he even cared by that stage cos he just told me that I'd need to book six months in advance for root canal work and shooed me out of his office. I was still a mess and the receptionists wouldn't let me go back to work (oh yes! This was on my lunch break!); they made me sit in the waiting room for a while with a newspaper and tried to calm me down After a while I walked back to work and TRIED to settle down and get on with everything. It was no good though, my nerves had been completely shot to pieces by the whole thing (and probably by having been in continuous pain for the best part of two weeks) and I kept dry sobbing and then tearing up and I was vague and distracted and my workies were really worried about me and didn't understand why I didn't go home But at least it was over, right? Put it this way: It's 2.55 on Wednesday afternoon and I'm posting from home so does that show you how well I was coping with work today? Not only am I still shaky from my complete and utter freak-out (it was so weird) but the tooth? Fucking hurts again. I'm running out of painkillers I don't know what to do about it, I really don't. I can't keep putting up with this or I'll go crazy. I'm also going bankrupt from the number of appointments! And now I have to choose whether to have a tooth pulled OUT (yuck yuck yuck) or have root canal therapy, where they pull the NERVE out (pain pain fuckingintensepain) I am NOT coping so please, give me some sympathy! |
I hope it's not too woeful. Are you ok?