actually, it's not different at all since, ask anyone who doesn't like me (and quite a few people who do), I'm a maudlin cow. But I'm feeling totally blah and not having anyone to talk to about it, I'm talking to a computer screen. My, how healthy that is In fact, I may make a list of things that are dragging me down at the moment: 1) my thighs. And that's kind of literally dragging me down, cos I think I'd sink like lead if I went swimming but I've put on about 5 kilos since I stopped working. Must deal with that. Ain't NOBODY seeing me naked like this! 2) my lack of a confidante. I have 3 or 4 close friends (I've always been one to have a smaller, tighter group of friends than a bigger group of acquaintance types. If you're lucky enough to have a big group of close friends, more power to you) but there's not one of those people I could pour my heart out to. And I'm NOT a particularly private person, I like to share my shit and have other people share their shit with me. I think the more open everyone is, the less problems there'll be. But right now, there's no one single person I can tell everything to 3) realising that a close friend has, for some time now, left me feeling stupid and responsible for every dumb thing that WE have done. If we were both in on a dumb stunt/embarrassing incident together, how come I'm the one being put down and made to feel like a dickhead in front of people whose good opinion I like having? And when I tried to ask this close friend to stop doing this, I was snapped at and not even allowed to finish my sentence. And have been ignored by that person since then 4) a final, fatal bust-up with the SOE. I don't think there's any coming back from this one. And while I stand by everything I said (and think it was long overdue), and while I know that having the whole on/off, good/evil thing taken out of my hands is actually a GOOD thing in the long run (and short run!), it still kind of stings 5) the fact that my sister hates me. My sister's a sanctimonious princess, always has been, always will be (unless something bad happens to her - and nothing ever has - to make her a bit more human), but she and I were always mates, and now she positively LOATHES me. And I don't have a fucking clue why God, you know what? There's more, but I really cannot be fucked thinking about it all even more than I already have been. And god knows no-one who reads my site really wants to know all this shit but hey, it's my site, I get to write crap if I feel like it Now I'm going to get drunk, drive to the bottle shop and get more alcohol, eat shedloads of crappy food and watch a movie. I'm not sure in what order Hope your day/week/month/year has been better than mine! |
Number three I can relate with. My best friend since Junior High School moved to New York City (about 3 hours away from me). Well, he hardly writes, emails or calls. Even when he's home to visit his parents, he won't call. When he asked me to sign a non-disclosure act when I asked him about a business thing he was working on, I knew the friendship had taken a nose dive.