Tuesday, May 31, 2005
And now for something completely different...
actually, it's not different at all since, ask anyone who doesn't like me (and quite a few people who do), I'm a maudlin cow. But I'm feeling totally blah and not having anyone to talk to about it, I'm talking to a computer screen. My, how healthy that is
In fact, I may make a list of things that are dragging me down at the moment:
1) my thighs. And that's kind of literally dragging me down, cos I think I'd sink like lead if I went swimming but I've put on about 5 kilos since I stopped working. Must deal with that. Ain't NOBODY seeing me naked like this!
2) my lack of a confidante. I have 3 or 4 close friends (I've always been one to have a smaller, tighter group of friends than a bigger group of acquaintance types. If you're lucky enough to have a big group of close friends, more power to you) but there's not one of those people I could pour my heart out to. And I'm NOT a particularly private person, I like to share my shit and have other people share their shit with me. I think the more open everyone is, the less problems there'll be. But right now, there's no one single person I can tell everything to
3) realising that a close friend has, for some time now, left me feeling stupid and responsible for every dumb thing that WE have done. If we were both in on a dumb stunt/embarrassing incident together, how come I'm the one being put down and made to feel like a dickhead in front of people whose good opinion I like having? And when I tried to ask this close friend to stop doing this, I was snapped at and not even allowed to finish my sentence. And have been ignored by that person since then
4) a final, fatal bust-up with the SOE. I don't think there's any coming back from this one. And while I stand by everything I said (and think it was long overdue), and while I know that having the whole on/off, good/evil thing taken out of my hands is actually a GOOD thing in the long run (and short run!), it still kind of stings
5) the fact that my sister hates me. My sister's a sanctimonious princess, always has been, always will be (unless something bad happens to her - and nothing ever has - to make her a bit more human), but she and I were always mates, and now she positively LOATHES me. And I don't have a fucking clue why
God, you know what? There's more, but I really cannot be fucked thinking about it all even more than I already have been. And god knows no-one who reads my site really wants to know all this shit but hey, it's my site, I get to write crap if I feel like it
Now I'm going to get drunk, drive to the bottle shop and get more alcohol, eat shedloads of crappy food and watch a movie. I'm not sure in what order
Hope your day/week/month/year has been better than mine!
posted by Bug @ 10:19 pm  
8 Rantings:
  • At 11:48 pm, Blogger chindi said…

    Number three I can relate with. My best friend since Junior High School moved to New York City (about 3 hours away from me). Well, he hardly writes, emails or calls. Even when he's home to visit his parents, he won't call. When he asked me to sign a non-disclosure act when I asked him about a business thing he was working on, I knew the friendship had taken a nose dive.

     
  • At 11:48 pm, Blogger chindi said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At 2:31 am, Blogger Bug said…

    Ouch. Sounds potentially nasty. My issue is that this is still arguably my most important friendship, it just has this major issue that I don't know how to deal with

    The hardly writing, emailing or calling thing is such a tough thing. Doesn't it make you feel like you're in high school, all over again? Blecch

     
  • At 2:55 am, Blogger Léonie said…

    Grrr.. life can be WANK. My ex-boyfriend is going out with my (ex) friend. They're both TWUNTS. People can be fucking idiots. But you? Well, I reckon you're a good'un and deserve the best. And you KNOW you've always got confidantes on the internet.. not as good I know but still. You can ALWAYS email.. or if you wanna come to London we'll hang out..!

     
  • At 10:31 pm, Blogger chindi said…

    what's a TWUNT?

     
  • At 10:47 pm, Blogger Léonie said…

    Well.. it's kind of a combination of two words - one is twat.. and the other is much more offensive - I'll leave you to work that out!

     
  • At 11:40 pm, Blogger chindi said…

    I think I will adopt this little phrase from now on since it's offensive but unrecognizable.

     
  • At 12:27 am, Blogger Léonie said…

    I know! Isn't it great? I didn't make it up though, I am loathe to admit. I stole it. Mwahahaha..

     
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