Ok, so, imagine that you were suddenly gripped with the idea that your face was being taken over by blackheads, so you used one of those pore strip thingies. Got it? Ok, and then once you'd pulled the strip thingie off (OUCH) the skin on your nose started itching uncontrollably. Still with me? Alright. Now once you've tried everything normal like scratching your nose, rubbing it with scratchy fabric, holding a bag of frozen corn over it (but not using something like calamine lotion because, of course, you live with your dad and brother, who are so manly they don't NEED sissy girly things like calamine lotion so there IS none), what might your next step be? a) would you ring your mother (a nurse) and ask for her specialist opinion on HOW TO STOP THE BASTARD ITCH?? b) would you dash to the shop and buy some calamine lotion or numbing cream? c) would you suffer in silence? or d) would you grab the first medicinal-looking thing you can find in the medicine cupboard, which happens to be Deep Heat, and slather it all over your nose? And then, when your nose feels like it's been set on FIRE, would you wash it off? Or would you stand in the bathroom yelling "Ow! Ow! Ow!" over and over until your brother (who's 6 years younger) takes control, makes you wipe the Deep Heat OFF your face and gets you some milk which he wipes over your nose (milk being known to be soothing and which he'd been yelling at you to put on your nose from the first itch)? If you, my dear friends, picked d, then you are like me. And also very, very stupid |
I would choose secret option e and whinge about it firstly to myself, then to anyone in the vicinity, and then to the internet. Then I would lie face-down in a bath of cold water. Probably..