*not suitable for my mother. Go away, Mum * Without going into the back story, since a) I'm the queen of back stories and they lead to gargantuan posts, and b) I can't be fucked, I took a (sort of) vow of celibacy about 7 months ago. Before you get all "whaaaat??" on me, it's not like I swore off sex for life (although if that's what you want to do, a.l.a. Cliff Richard, go for it). But I got tired of being a convenience for people, of being the go-to girl. I swore that I wouldn't sleep with anyone unless they a) knew my surname and b) actually liked me. They sound like givens, don't they? Well they weren't for the way I lived. I also swore off sleeping with guys with girlfriends This really isn't going to make sense without a back story. Oh well One of the reasons I took this vow was that I was getting messed up and my head was all over the place and I just felt icky. But I discovered something recently: ALL the guys I fancy have girlfriends. Every single last one of them There are 3 main guys (don't tut-tut. Who can honestly say that they ONLY fancy 1 person and that's it? It's just not possible): 1) The SOE (Sort-Of Ex). I don't know that I'll ever get over the SOE. He was the first guy who ever broke my heart and he compreHENsively broke it. Like, SMASHED it into litle pieces. It's been 3 years and I'm still not put back together. He still fucks me up every time I talk to him. And I can't stop talking to him. He has a 'girlfriend' of 2 years (he also has another couple on the go because that's what he does, but nominally, he has a girlfriend) 2) Winnie, my favourite bartender. Winnie likes the same music I do, is fun AND funny, sold me a Bacardi and Coke for $1 the other day (instead of $5.50) and is generally beautiful. He has a girlfriend of 3 years (he cheats as well, but he does actually adore his girlfriend. I'm not sure why he cheats) 3) Jeremy, the singer. I've pined for Jeremy for a little under 3 years. He's gorgeous. He's punky. He plays the guitar. He has a fanTAStic voice. He always takes a second to say hello, even in the middle of playing. He has a girlfriend of about 3 years (he also cheats) For one, can I just say that EVERY guy cheats?!! Why is this?? As far as I'm concerned, if you're REALLY tempted to cheat (not just to perve, cos who DOESN'T perve, even if they're with someone, but to ACTUALLY go further), then you shouldn't be with the person you're with. I've NEVER cheated. But two thirds of the guys I've slept with have actually been cheating on their girlfriends with me. That's AWFUL! (and before you say I'm a horrible harlot, that's one of the reasons WHY I no longer act the way I used to) And I realised something tonight: I really, really, REALLY fancy Jeremy. It's not like I'm 'in love' with him (I'm not sure I'll ever be able to feel that way again), but I REALLY like him (to sound very high school). He makes me smile, and giggle, and flirt, and bat my eyelashes, and act coy, and all that shit. To simplify, he turns me on! And he has a girlfriend. Who he (supposedly) regularly cheats on. Which means that in THEORY, I have a superficial chance (which my friend, who knows him well, pointed out tonight). For a one night stand, anyway My question is this: is a one night stand with a guy I've wanted for AGES worth giving up my struggled-for vow? IF I could swing it, which I haven't even REALLY tried for? Why can I not fall for a SINGLE guy? A single, FAITHFUL guy? Just grr I'm confused. And torn |
It's funny because the statistics have started swaying more towards woman who cheat. I say stick with your plan. Maybe visit the nearest adult gift shop.