Friday, April 15, 2005
When did Elton John become my muse?
I don't even particularly like Elton John. We-ell, his music anyway. I actually have a bit of a weakness for terribly camp men. I always want to make friends with them and have them give me a makeover and go 'nipping' around London in a black cab and drink lurid cocktails while they tell me equally lurid stories about the hot young thing they picked up the night before. You know?
But anyway. His music never floated my boat. But tonight I'm dedicating this post to 'Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word'
I had a bit of a whinge and a ponder a couple of days ago about a certain person I was avoiding. We'll call him the SOE (Sort-Of Ex). He was cruel, I (from his perspective, I'm sure) overreacted, we're not longer speaking/friends. And it's weird. It FEELS so weird. For better or worse (and it was mostly worse, honestly - the boy LITERALLY fooled around with - or tried to - every single one of my female friends AND my sister. Seriously. All of them), he's been a constant, important part of my life for close to four years
And now he's not there. When I have some completely random musing on the day, I can't message it to him. When I feel like company for a drink after work (when I worked), I can't ask him to meet me. When something momentous happens like me finally quitting my job or being shafted by yet another cruel but pretty playboy, I can't tell him about it. I don't know what he's doing, who he's with right now, what's going on with him. I'm USED to him being around! For almost FOUR YEARS he's been a sort of bouncing board for me and I adored that even though we'd had our problems - fucking major ones, really - we still had that friendship
But not once in those four-ish years has the SOE ever once, EVER even a smidgen, acknowledged the way he's treated me. It's not like him just coming up to me and saying he's sorry would fix the problems we have, cos I think at this point they're fairly insurmountable. But at least I'd know that I wasn't just an ego-boost or a booty call or a convenience, all for lack of a better word
Sad thing is, I think that that's really all I've ever been to him. I've been a constant to him and he's been a constant for me, and now that's been dissolved. I just don't think it matters to him at all
Fucking matters to me though
posted by Bug @ 10:27 pm  
1 Rantings:
  • At 2:25 pm, Blogger Bug said…

    Doubtful. Very doubtful. And even if he did, do you see him caring?

     
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