I don't know what's going on! What is WRONG with me this last week? I've cut myself 974,211 times (give or take a couple), fallen some wet stairs on Tuesday and on Friday my stiletto slipped off the edge of one of the steps on the work fire escape and I fell. At this point in time I would like to point out that my work fire escape consists of at least 20 concrete stairs. How am I not dead?? * On top of that, I've started half panicking about things that had never occurred to me before. I've never been someone who'd stay away from things like amusement park rides because there's an infinitesimal chance that something MIGHT break. I'm more from the camp that says you can't NOT do something because something MIGHT happen - chances are they won't so why limit yourself? * But lately, I have this permanent sense of impending doom about EVERYthing. As in, I'll be driving down from the 10th floor of the car park and I'll get sudden images of the structure collapsing and crushing me and Teddy (my car) into nothing. Or I'll be driving behind an enormous truck with a bit of machinery on the back and I'll be SURE that it's about to slam on its brakes so that I'll go careening into the back of it and be decapitated. I was at the beach a week ago and started to hyperventilate about a shark sneaking up behind me (and despite the fact that I live in Australia, with all the scary motherfucker sharks everywhere, that's never been a fear of mine). Even at home, it's there - I was in the bathroom the other day and thought, out of nowhere, "what if the house is on fire??" * It's not as though I've stopped doing anything because of these feelings, but I'm a bit baffled by the fact that they're there. My madré thinks it's because I religiously watch the world news (which is pretty depressing and gory just now) and have become overly sensitive to the nastiness of being alive * Whatever the reason, it's annoying!! |
Maybe you are unknowingly a vampire and therefore all the falls don't hurt you really bad.
I think you need a vacation (and maybe a man) to take your thoughts off things like maybe when you remove a bandage from one of your cuts, the rest of your skin might come with it or that the exhaust from Teddy might be seeping into the car while you are driving so in the dead of winter you drive with your windows all open but then you start thinking about frost bite and close the windows, then open, then close, then....