I have two things I want to rant about today, but only the time to rant about one. I shall have to save the other for tomorrow. After a lot of soul-searching, I have decided to rave on about the thing that is at the front of my mind today: My Three Month Review.
Today my lovely supervisor and I have my Three Month Review with the head of postgraduate research in my department to discuss my progress to date in beginning the three year marathon that is a PhD, and to go through my Preliminary Research Plan, an eight page document that is a basic rundown on background information to my project, what I’m planning on doing, my timetable (have you ever tried to plan the next three years of your life month by month?), my proposed project budget (oh, it's only going to cost at least $5,000), occupational health and safety issues for my project (given my track record, this will be of paramount importance I should think [tell you another time folks]), and what skills I expect to gain. I’m severely worried that in this meeting it will be revealed:
1) What an absolute fraud I am as a Serious Research Student. Yes, this definitely does need capital letters. Everyone here is a Serious Research Student with the distinct exception (I think) of me. I am Frivolous. I wear dangly earrings on a daily basis and am making a point of never wearing any garment made of polarfleece. I am devoted to Grey’s Anatomy, The OC, and British detective shows (especially 55 degrees North. That night detective’s rear end is in a class all of its own).
2) I spend far too much time at my waitressing job. According to the rules of my scholarship, I’m only allowed to do eight hours of paid employment in the hours of 9 to 5 during the working week (because I’m supposed to be at uni during this time). I have to do three shifts a week there in order to keep my job, and while these usually happen on a Friday and Saturday night, one usually occurs during the week. For example, yesterday I worked all day from 6.30 am until 7.30 pm. For obvious reasons this did not leave me time to go to uni. Well, if I was a Serious Research Student I would have gone to uni and worked through the night after work. But as I am not, I went home and watched Supernanny and Grey’s Anatomy.
3) That I simply don’t do enough work. I feel tremendously guilty because my lovely supervisor keeps praising me and saying how very organised I am to me and to other people. I know that that isn’t the case. Hell, I only do about three hours of decent work a day on my project. My office mate who is a Very Extremely Ultra Serious Research Student has taken to making little comments (in the two sentences of conversation we exchange each day – she’s too busy working to chat plus I don’t think we have much in common [oh, wicked thought just entered my head prompting me to imagine her facial expression if I asked her who she thought was hotter on The OC – Seth, Ryan, Sandy or Ryan’s bad brother) such as ‘You haven’t been in much recently,’ and, when I show up at lunch time to begin my working day ‘So . . . what have you been doing this morning?’
So, have some nerves about this very fast approaching meeting – oh gosh, its only half an hour away! Have this nasty visual picture running through my head of the postgrad research coordinator standing up, pointing at her door and shouting ‘OUT! Out of my office! Out of these hallowed halls of learning! You are a fraud and a trickster! How on earth you ever managed to get a scholarship is something beyond my extreme and highly developed intellect! I'm revoking your scholarship and you're going to have to pay back what you've already been given! You have to waitress for the Rest Of Your Life!’ Meanwhile, my lovely supervisor looks on with disgust and disappointment, shaking her head and repeating ‘I thought she was so motivated, so dedicated. How could I have been so wrong?!!!’ Oh gosh! Half an hour until the truth is revealed. Wish me luck folks!
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ryans brother, i think (but im very fickle)
you get 55 degrees north all the way over there...?